This tea party is cancelled.

Did you see me "lash out" on my socials the other day? Or to be honest I didn't lash out per se, I just drew a thick, black in my life and was quite openly expressive about it.

I got to a point where I told myself enough was enough, too many kettles had been boiled, too many teabags have brewed for too long, the two, three sugars added have dissolved and been stirred and sipped out of me but I am not a mug.

1) I’ve fully deeped I’m not a mug. I can tolerate things, be nice, be a bigger (yet always small) person (lol) but I have to draw linesss — S. (@SawdaSays) September 25, 2017 Now obviously, as the good Muslim I strive to be I do things for the sake of Allah, and in doing so technically I can't lose right? However, I can unfortunately get to a point where I am drained, strained and not at peace which is where I feel I'm at and don't want to be at anymore. I've come to  a point of re-realisation. It's not that I thought I was a piece of porcelain …

What's wrong? An analogy

Let me give you an analogy of we're I'm at, for all those asking and wondering.

I'm going on a trip *1. I'm really excited. As in, REALLY pumped, buzzing ready to go. I've packed my bags, traced my route a billion and one times, phone and battery pack fully charged, clothes looking super cute. I am ready.

I leave. I walk, run, drive. I travel at a pretty decent pace, fuelled by enthusiasm and vision of where I'm going. On the horizon I see my destination. It's there somewhere a distance away and because I can see it and I'm pumped as mentioned earlier I now run, or up my gear or go into super turbo charge mode towards my destination that's so clearly in my view just there...

And then I stop.

I come to a hole in the road. A pit even. No, let's call it a grand canyon, because this dip is deep - fall down into and potentially break-my-every-bone-in-my-body deep.  I look to my left, my right and all I see is this grand canyon spanning this way and …

Blessings over Barelys

(Wipes dust collecting on this blog. Fall down seven times, stand up eight, right?)

How many times have I wanted this, longed for that and looked for things without appreciating what I already have?

Many, I realise, as my eyes are opened to all the blessings I have that I never stopped to truly appreciate.

I woke up to my realisation when I was at a youth debate. At that point, the discussion was almost over, and thoughts were being shared. Particularly, a point on how local gyms are too expensive. "£30 - no one has that money to be spending just to keep fit" or something along those lines was said and quite a few more people agreed. But I didn't. Currently I gym (well not exactly in this month of Ramadan lol) and although I don't pay that much yet I was more than happy to accept that I would pay near to that for my membership when my current cheaper price plan ends. But the people around me, very similar in background weren't so keen and aren't able to. It m…

New Year Resolutions

Yes, yes, yes, 'tis the season of New Year's resolutions, and I was adamant that any goals I had wouldn't be called New Year's resolutions because the majority of them fail and my goals aren't failing InshaAllah. I'll think of a few and push to achieve them with the renewed feeling we all get when we reach this same position relative to the sun every so often.  The check in at work today was  based on "pledges to the self" which were basically NYRs lol. Off the top of my head one of the things I wrote down was to "love myself more" because it's something I started doing in 2016 but something I know I can extend into this year and my future. From that point I thought more about how I'm going to make this year and subsequently the rest of my life as great as I can. I watched a video by The Patronnes, and they mentioned things like writing goals down and vision boards which I do intend to do in some way shape or form especially as the …


I've shared the longest story of all time on my snapchat story reflecting on my 2016, which had me thinking that 20L6 wasn't a complete L like I thought it was earlier. The Ls were there believe me but so were blessings and happiness and glo. I tried to articulate this earlier on my story how the journey we've taken one rotation around the sun has been a weird one, purely because I could never have anticipated that I'll be where I am today at the start of the year 2016 at all. I could have told you some things would happen and they did, I would have told you I'd have done this or I'll be this and I haven't, and there are a few things that I wouldn't even think would happen that did happen, both good and bad and everything in between.

 I tweeted that because i thought I'd be a somewhat completely 'bloomed flower' in the sense that I'd have ticked things off my almost "list of things to do" and in that by completion of those thi…

My Grace Hopper Experience

Recently my conversations have been going somewhat like this:
"Hey, how you doing, haven't seen you in a while…"  "Yeah I know I went to America" "OMGreally why?"
Well those of you who read one of my previous posts, follow me on other social media, or who know me personally know why, but for those who don't I had an amazing opportunity to attend this year's Grace Hopper Celebration of women in computing in Houston Texas.

After explaining that I normally get a:
“Ahhh really, what did you do?” 
You do a lot. I know I was tired throughout the whole trip lol. One because I took ages to adjust to the different time zone*, and two because there's so much to do. Before the event started Anne-Marie, described the Grace Hopper Event as "London Fashion week, but the tech version", but if you are like me, someone who had a vague idea of how London Fashion Week actually works, the GHC is a large expo with A LOT of tech companies who are looking to …


Have you ever been irritated by something that it's made you think deeply about your own life? And when I say deeply I mean so deeply, so extensively you feel an intense feeling in the pit of your stomach.
I have, and in fact right now at 00:22 when I should be sleeping for my 9am tomorr- no, today, my 9 am today, I'm here trying to put the feeling that's a cross between my wanting to lash out violently, me wanting to break down and cry and me wanting to run away and throw up. The point I'm trying to make through my poor articulation is this adrenaline rush , which is probably the simplest way to put it, is actually spurring something I'm praying that I cling onto and make good out of.
Simply put, I'm at a point which I will make significant because my gut says so.
I want to relate this whole thing to a Phoenix somehow. They're often depicted in flames- but they're of growth and new life. The fire nourishes good things as my fire will nourish and nature and…