What's wrong? An analogy

Let me give you an analogy of we're I'm at, for all those asking and wondering.

I'm going on a trip *1. I'm really excited. As in, REALLY pumped, buzzing ready to go. I've packed my bags, traced my route a billion and one times, phone and battery pack fully charged, clothes looking super cute. I am ready.

I leave. I walk, run, drive. I travel at a pretty decent pace, fuelled by enthusiasm and vision of where I'm going. On the horizon I see my destination. It's there somewhere a distance away and because I can see it and I'm pumped as mentioned earlier I now run, or up my gear or go into super turbo charge mode towards my destination that's so clearly in my view just there...

And then I stop.

I come to a hole in the road. A pit even. No, let's call it a grand canyon, because this dip is deep - fall down into and potentially break-my-every-bone-in-my-body deep.  I look to my left, my right and all I see is this grand canyon spanning this way and that way. And now my fuel's finished. Tyre's burst. Engine collapses. This is my issue. I get asked "ahhh Sawda when's the next vid coming through" and I go "soon" because as far as I intend it is soon, I still see my destination in the horizon, I just don't know how exactly I can get there. My grand canyon, as empty as they appear is filled with things like fear, self-doubt or being overwhelmed with other things to do which is such an unpleasant feature of adulthood.

And this is how I've been with a lot of things, the result of my self-analysis tells me. I plan things, prep things and analyse things to a T. If I take risks its quadruple-calculated and if I gamble I'm lying because I don't gamble*2. So for me to start YouTube and face all these physical limitations and personal challenges sucks because A) this was not part of my heavily-detailed, well-thought out risk-analysis and B) I can still see my destination calling me loudly in the distance.

I won't lie, I've thought about quitting so many times, and I think the only reason I haven't I because of point B, my vision is still there. Even when my eyes are shut, it's all I see and I can't get away from this vision.

I'm currently at the point where I'm trying to create wings from thin air and make this car fly. Or to be more scientifically correct, seeing as you cannot create matter from nothing, I'm opening my boot, my bag and my mind, using my resources to create wings, to generate new fuel and to keep on going somehow. I'm trying to focus on my personal progress and not spend my time checking for who seems to be surpassing me or flying by me or whatever it may be.

It's easier said than done but if I need to trust in the process and push for the dream. I know this, and if you're reading this I just want to let you know I'm on it. I think of my vision daily, I have conversations and think "that would have been a good vid", I hear sounds everyday and think "this is good background audio for X type of video". I tell you this not to prove myself to anyone but just for reassurance for those who don't know I'm on it. I love a friendly questioning though. It shows that you care so keep them coming, please.

So bare with me whilst I wing-build. After all, I've got somewhere to be and I've also gotta make sure this super cute outfit doesn't go to waste don't I?



*1; Am I the only one that thinks Little Einsteins here?

*2; I don't gamble theoretically or actually. This video comes to mind: https://www.facebook.com/TheWallOfComedy/videos/894445780661898/


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