"Phoenixing"

Have you ever been irritated by something that it's made you think deeply about your own life? And when I say deeply I mean so deeply, so extensively you feel an intense feeling in the pit of your stomach.

I have, and in fact right now at 00:22 when I should be sleeping for my 9am tomorr- no, today, my 9 am today, I'm here trying to put the feeling that's a cross between my wanting to lash out violently, me wanting to break down and cry and me wanting to run away and throw up. 

The point I'm trying to make through my poor articulation is this adrenaline rush , which is probably the simplest way to put it, is actually spurring something I'm praying that I cling onto and make good out of. 

Simply put, I'm at a point which I will make significant because my gut says so. 

I want to relate this whole thing to a Phoenix somehow. They're often depicted in flames- but they're of growth and new life. The fire nourishes good things as my fire will nourish and nature and uphold good things to come, InshaAllah. 

And obviously everything comes as Allah wills but they'll come when I grab them with both hands and not let go. No ifs, no buts, no maybes. No fear, no procrastination, no limitation. This is me "phoenixing" essentially. The only difference is the Phoenix is a myth, and this is real.

Anyway, long ramble short, stay posted!

Sawda